The movie just won’t stop

Standard

Whenever someone asks me about my life I tend to say that my life is movie without direction. Recently during speech class we had to pick a partner and interview them.. During the interview I shared several stories that has shaped who I am, that is when my partner asked me why I’m not writing a book… Well first I am not a writer nor am I good at writing and then there is the fact that I wouldn’t know where to begin. My life has been a rollercoaster that hasn’t stopped, which isn’t a bad thing however I have had my low points in life and my fair share of the high points in life but I know that I have a long way to go and more “scenes” to watch and wait for. As of right now I am living in the beautiful state of Texas with my amazing fiancé! We have our ups and downs and stress like everyone else but lately the jealous monster has struck me and I am trying to jump out of it because I would rather be joyous than jealous. I am jealous of everyone who is getting married, we are still waiting for the day to come. I am tired of looking at venues and them ask for ridiculous amounts of money that I don’t have… I know we could be doing more to save but we are waiting to hear back about jobs for B which is a huge factor to some of the stress we are going through and will help to contribute to saving money for the wedding. There is so much to go with a wedding that right now I have so many other stressors I need to tend to before spending a ridiculous amount for a wedding a wedding that I never even dreamt about… I have only dreamt of the marriage not the wedding and isn’t that what matters?!

Well until the next “scene”

And CUT!

Advertisements

Working full time and trying to get my associates…

Standard

This is going to be a depressing “why me” type of blog today so I apologize for my Debbie downer attitude this one time…

I work full time for a residential home builder, but that does not say who I am. I go to school at night, trying to earn my associates degree but that’s also not who I am. I am me, I work very hard for everything I have, things are not handed to me though sometimes I envy those who do, I put in my time whether that is work, school or my personal life but I have my struggles. It is very hard seeing others because I work very hard and I have nothing to show for it. For the past 5 weeks I have come home from work and read, studied and did practice tests for the course I was taking and for what?! To fail 😦 this is the hardest I have ever and I do mean EVER worked and I couldn’t even pass. It makes me rethink what I have done wrong all my life.i work and work and work and for what?! It’s times like these that I wish I could pack a duffle bag and go to a foreign country and do something good for others, help someone else where knowledge is not needed.

I honestly don’t know what I want to do or what I would be good at. I know I have a big heart and love helping others but what can I do with that? I want a house that I can pay for on my own, I want to marry my best friend without anyone’s help and without waiting another second (8yrs is already a long time) I want to live abroad… With those goals what can I do to do all of those things?! I see so many people on FB purchasing homes and getting married, so what are we doing wrong?! How are they doing it?